The Journey Through Grief: A Somatic Approach to Healing
Insights and Tools for Navigating Life’s Most Difficult Transitions
Understanding Grief Through Somatic Psychology
Grief is a shadow that touches every part of life. It clouds the mind, drains the body, and can make even the smallest tasks feel insurmountable. These overwhelming responses are part of the body’s process for navigating loss. This article explores how grief affects the mind and body, why slowing down matters, and how somatic psychology can offer tools to guide you toward healing.
What Is Grief?
Grief is a human response to loss, arising from profound connections and significant life changes. While it is often associated with the passing of a loved one, grief can also emerge from events like the end of a relationship, losing a job, facing a major illness, or experiencing a natural disaster, immigration, war, or social/political crisis. It reflects a deep sense of absence and adjustment when something important is no longer part of your life.
Traditionally, grief has been described through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, this framework is just one perspective, and many experts now emphasize that grief is far more complex. It rarely follows a straight path but instead unfolds as a deeply personal and shifting process. You may experience a wide range of emotions, including shock, guilt, longing, projection, resentment, or even relief, which can arise and fade unpredictably.
Grieving is not a one-time event; it evolves over time and often resurfaces during significant milestones such as anniversaries or birthdays. This journey can feel non-linear, with emotions revisiting unexpectedly. Fortunately, the mind and body process grief in small, manageable amounts, allowing you to face these feelings as you’re ready.
Modern models like Worden’s Tasks of Mourning and Stroebe and Schut’s Dual Process Model describe grieving as a dynamic process of moving between facing the reality of the loss and engaging with life’s demands. These perspectives highlight that everyone grieves differently, shaped by their personality, culture, and unique circumstances. Understanding these variations allows for compassion toward yourself and others as you journey through this meaningful transition.
Exploring Somatic Psychology
Somatic psychology focuses on the relationship between the mind and body, examining how emotions are experienced and processed through physical sensations. In the context of grief, this connection becomes crucial, as the body often reflects the emotional impact of loss.
This approach encourages paying attention to the body with curiosity, creating space to explore and understand the physical responses tied to grief. Through somatic practices, we can release built-up tension and uncover pathways to emotional recovery. By addressing both physical and emotional aspects, somatic psychology offers a holistic way to process grief and promote healing.
Recognizing the Signs of Grief
Grief can affect every aspect of our being—physically, emotionally, cognitively, socially, and behaviorally. Physical symptoms may include fatigue, headaches, tightness in the chest, restlessness, hollowness in the stomach, and appetite disturbances. You might also experience a sense of helplessness, a lack of control, or even an increased sense of responsibility.
Emotionally, grief can lead to feelings of anxiety, loneliness, sadness, and depression. You may also question your beliefs or find yourself wondering about the meaning of life, life after death, or your own mortality. These questions often arise as part of the search for understanding.
Cognitive symptoms often include disbelief, distraction, absentmindedness, and low motivation. Some people report dreaming of the deceased or feeling a sense of apathy toward daily life. These responses can make it challenging to concentrate or engage with the world around you.
Recognizing these signs is an important step in understanding that grief is a multifaceted experience. While it may feel overwhelming, these responses are part of the process of coping with loss. By acknowledging them, you allow yourself the space and patience needed for healing.
Why Grief Brings Brain Fog and Fatigue
One of the most challenging symptoms of grief is “brain fog,” a sense of mental haziness that makes it difficult to focus or complete tasks. This occurs because grief triggers significant changes in neural pathways as the brain works to process and adapt to the loss.
Stress hormones like cortisol surge during this time, disrupting the brain’s normal functioning, particularly in regions responsible for memory and decision-making. These hormonal changes, combined with the brain’s effort to rewire neural pathways to accommodate the emotional impact of loss, can lead to mental exhaustion.
Allowing yourself moments of rest and emotional expression supports the brain's ability to recover, rebuild neural connections, and adjust to new realities.
The Role of Denial in Pacing Grief
Denial is often one of the first responses to grief, and while it may seem counterproductive, it serves a purpose. Denial acts as a buffer, allowing you to process loss in smaller increments. It prevents you from being overwhelmed all at once.
Think of denial as your mind’s way of dipping a toe into icy water instead of plunging in headfirst. By pacing the emotional impact, denial creates space for gradual healing. However, it’s important not to stay in this state indefinitely. Prolonged denial can hinder recovery and prevent deeper emotional processing. As you move forward, acceptance becomes a vital step in integrating the loss and finding new meaning.
How Grief Affects Brain Chemistry and Social Connections
Grief profoundly alters brain chemistry, especially in areas tied to bonding and motivation. Disruptions in oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” can make you feel disconnected or withdrawn. The nucleus accumbens, a region of the brain associated with pleasure, may become hyperactive, making social interactions feel draining or unrewarding.
Additionally, grief frequently disrupts sleep patterns, which can erode emotional resilience. Recognizing these changes as temporary can help you approach yourself with kindness and patience.
Grief Increases Nutrient Demands
Grief is not just emotionally taxing—it’s physically demanding. Stress caused by grief depletes essential nutrients like B vitamins, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids, which support brain health and energy levels.
Replenishing these nutrients through a balanced diet, hydration, and rest can aid recovery. Eating nourishing foods and seeking professional advice if needed can help restore your body’s equilibrium during this intense period.
The Link Between Grief and Physical Pain
Grief doesn’t just weigh on your heart; it can manifest as physical pain. The brain’s pain networks, including the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, often become disrupted during grief, heightening sensitivity to discomfort.
Some people experience aches or even a sense of heaviness in their bodies. Recognizing this connection helps validate the physical toll grief can take, encouraging care for both your emotional and physical well-being.
Healing Practices from Somatic Psychology
Healing from grief involves nurturing both the mind and body in intentional and meaningful ways. Somatic psychology offers tools that go beyond surface-level advice, encouraging deeper engagement with your emotions and physical experiences:
Allow Yourself to Cry: Crying is a natural release that helps process the weight of loss. Letting your tears flow without judgment can provide emotional relief and reduce physical tension. Set aside time to cry in a safe and comforting environment, whether alone or with someone you trust.
Engage in Restorative Movement: Opt for gentle, intentional movement like stretching, gardening, or slow walks in nature. These practices not only ease tension but also help you reconnect with your body in a calming way. Focus on moving mindfully, allowing your body to express what words cannot.
Try Grounding Exercises: Grounding yourself physically can counter the mental chaos grief often brings. Place your feet firmly on the floor and take slow, deep breaths while focusing on sensations like the texture of the ground beneath you. You can also hold an object that brings comfort, such as a smooth stone or soft fabric, to anchor yourself in the present.
Practice Breathwork: Explore structured breathwork techniques such as inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for a count of six or eight. This longer exhale helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and easing anxiety or emotional overwhelm.
Vocalize Your Feelings: Sound can be a powerful tool for release. Experiment with vocal expressions, like humming or chanting to release pent-up energy. These practices stimulate the vagus nerve, promoting relaxation and emotional balance.
Journaling for Emotional Release: Go beyond listing emotions—use prompts like "What do I miss most?" or "What would I say if I could speak to the person, job, or situation I've lost?" Write freely, without concern for grammar or structure. This deeper exploration can bring clarity and emotional relief.
Honor Your Loss Through Rituals: Create personal rituals to acknowledge your loss, such as lighting a candle, planting a tree, or writing letters to express what you’re feeling or processing. These letters could be addressed to yourself, the loss itself, or even the future you’re envisioning. These acts provide tangible ways to channel grief into meaningful expressions of healing and remembrance.
Set Boundaries Around Rest: Recognize that grief can disrupt sleep, so create a sanctuary-like bedtime routine. Dim the lights, play soothing sounds, or sip warm herbal tea before bed. Give yourself permission to rest without pressure to achieve perfect sleep—it’s about creating moments of calm.
Seek Comfort in Creative Expression: Engaging in creative activities can be a powerful way to process emotions that are difficult to express. Accessible outlets like baking, drawing, journaling, or crafting provide soothing self-expression. Sketching simple designs, trying a new recipe, writing down your thoughts, or even casual activities like doodling, knitting, or arranging flowers can bring focus, calm, and moments of relief during grief.
Reach Out for Support: Connection can be a lifeline during grief. Join a support group, speak with a trusted friend, or seek guidance from a therapist trained in grief work. Being heard and understood by others can make the emotional load more bearable.
Explore these practices with curiosity and compassion, allowing yourself to adapt them in ways that feel authentic to you. Not every suggestion will resonate with everyone. Each small step contributes to healing, helping you rebuild a sense of stability and connection.
Grief Is a Journey
Grief is not something to “get over” but a process of adaptation and transformation. It reflects the depth of the connection to what has been lost, whether it’s a loved one, a way of life, or a sense of identity. Adjusting to a new reality can take time—on average, 2–3 years—and the process is rarely straightforward.
As you begin to restructure your life, you may feel drawn to activities that bring a sense of renewal, such as taking a vacation, starting a new hobby, or returning to something you once loved. These steps, while healing, can also feel bittersweet. You might notice feelings of guilt when you experience joy or laugh freely again, as though moving forward diminishes the significance of your loss.
It’s important to recognize these feelings of guilt for what they are—a natural part of grieving. Acknowledging them without letting them hold you back is key to adjusting to your new reality. Allowing yourself to find moments of joy doesn’t erase the importance of what you’ve lost; it honors your ability to carry its meaning forward as you rebuild.
Grief is a deeply individual process that requires patience and self-compassion. Somatic tools and intentional practices can help you navigate the complexities of loss and rediscover meaning. Over time, healing doesn’t mean returning to who you were but becoming someone who integrates the experience of grief into a stronger, more connected self.
This article was co-authored by Stephanie Yuen and Mer Zandifar Dias, close friends and colleagues who first met in 2008 while studying somatic, transpersonal, and counseling psychology in graduate school. To learn more about Stephanie Yuen's work, visit her website here. For more information on Mer Zandifar Dias, click here.
References & Resources
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.
Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner (4th ed.). Springer Publishing.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement: Rationale and Description. Death Studies.
McEwen, B. S., & Morrison, J. H. (2013). The Brain on Stress: Vulnerability and Plasticity. Annual Review of Neuroscience.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Schore, A. N. (2019). The Development of the Unconscious Mind. W.W. Norton & Company.
National Institute on Aging. (2020). Grief and Loss.
Harvard Health Publishing. (2021). The Science of Stress and How It Affects Your Body.
 | A guest post by
|