How to Manage Anger: A Comprehensive Guide

Learn About Different Types of Anger & How to Manage & Process Your Emotions Without Causing Harm To Yourself Or Your Relationships

Anger is a complex emotion that can arise from a variety of situations and experiences. At times, anger is an adaptive physiological response to the perception of threat, triggering your fight-or-flight instincts which attempt to protect you from danger. However, when anger becomes overwhelming or uncontrolled, it can have negative effects on our physical and emotional well-being, and cause harm to our relationships.

When we are angry, the body releases the stress hormone, cortisol. Excessive amounts of cortisol can interfere with your clarity of thought, trigger mood swings, and reinforce other symptoms of anxiety, depression, and trauma. Additionally, too much cortisol can put you at a higher risk of hypertension, coronary heart disease, stroke, and a weakened immune system.

Given that we can’t eliminate anger from our lives, it’s important to accept anger as an aspect of our human experience and to find healthy and productive ways to metabolize it so it doesn’t build up inside and become a chronic issue.

In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the different types of anger, their origins, and practical strategies for managing them.

9 Common Expressions + Remedies for Anger

1. Anger Induced by Grief

There are at least 7 nonlinear stages involved in the grieving process, including shock, denial, guilt, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. Experiencing anger during the grieving process is common and can be a healthy part of the healing journey. However, when anger becomes stuck in the body, it can lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

REMEDY: To manage grief-induced anger, it's important to have a productive outlet for the anger and to remind yourself that it's a natural part of the grieving process. Grief can make us feel more sensitive or vulnerable than usual. Don’t rush the grieving process and allow it to take as long as it needs to take. Addressing your pain with mindful awareness and compassion can help to soothe the anger so you can eventually shift into acceptance. Practicing mindful awareness and self-compassion while externalizing your emotions through movement, journaling, bereavement counseling, and breathwork can help soothe the anger and eventually lead to acceptance.

2. Carried Anger and Rage Induced by Abuse and Trauma

When an adult mistreats or abuses a child, they are not taking responsibility for dealing with their own anger and other unresolved issues. Instead, they are disowning their volatile anger and using the child as an object to release their rage. Children are vulnerable, and often unconsciously absorb whatever is going on around them. Children who experience abuse or trauma often struggle with intense feelings of anger and uncontrollable rage. This is referred to as carried rage. To be clear, the child’s anger is an appropriate and healthy response to the abuse. The rage, however, is not theirs, but rather a destructive energy they absorbed from the abuser. Survivors of assault, rape, domestic violence, systemic violence, oppression, and war also tend to experience carried anger and rage that they have absorbed from the aggressor.

REMEDY: To release carried rage, it's important to acknowledge and accept its origins, detox from the painful experiences, and reparent oneself through self-care and boundary-setting. If you experienced abuse, neglect, abandonment, or bullying it’s important to own the reality of what you lived through without making excuses for the abuser or minimizing how it impacted you. While abusers are often in pain and dealing with their problems, this does not justify the abuse or change the fact that it impacted you. Next, you’ll need to detox from the painful experiences from the past. Enroll a mental health professional to support you through this process. As you release the rage and other inherited emotions in therapy, you’ll gain more command over your own emotions and create more space to cultivate your self-worth and sense of empowerment. The next step involves the process of reparenting yourself. To reparent yourself, you will need to pay close attention to your needs and take responsibility for tending to your needs. This will enable you to notice when you’re triggered and use it as a signal to reinforce your boundaries and practice self-care.

3. Assertive Anger in Response to Injustice

In some cases, anger is an expression of your values and sense of aliveness. Anger can be a helpful response to injustice, abuse, oppression, and any other type of boundary violation. Anger is one of the ways you can energetically restore your sense of self. However, it's important to manage the anger so that it doesn't overtake you.

REMEDY: Journaling, deep breathing, and visualization exercises can help process and release anger while restoring a sense of self. Write about why you feel angry without censoring yourself. After you have externalized the anger through your writing practice, spend 1-5 minutes practicing deep, belly breathing to help your body release the stress of anger so it doesn’t build up inside. Close your eyes and breathe spaciousness into your body. Breathe out with the intention of restoring your sense of self. Each time you breathe, imagine that you are filling your body with your own energy and embodying your most empowered self.

4. Self-Inflicted Anger

Anger turned inward and directed towards oneself can be a sign of low self-esteem, depression, or other underlying mental health issues. This can be expressed by engaging in unkind or hateful thoughts toward yourself or practicing self-harm, such as cutting, eating disorders, substance abuse, or suicide attempts.

REMEDY: Interrupting negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion can help shift the focus toward self-care and healing. Your internal dialogue has a profound impact on your mood, your energy, your motivation, and your sense of well-being. Notice when you’re engaging in unkind thoughts about yourself and interrupt your thinking patterns by taking a deep breath and counting backward (5, 4, 3, 2, 1). This will reset your brain so you can access a different narrative. Choose kind words and encouraging thoughts to uplift yourself. In your meditation practice, visualize loving kindness and compassion filling your body when you breathe in. Breathe out self-hatred and imagine that it dissolves into neutrality as it leaves your body.

5. Anger and Irritability Related to OCD, PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Substance Use Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, and Depression.

Anger can be a symptom of an underlying disorder, such as PTSD, anxiety, or depression. For example, people who struggle with panic or anxiety attacks tend to hold a lot of anger in their bodies. In cases of depression, there is often a mountain of repressed anger underlying the more passive symptoms of depression such as lethargy, lack of motivation, and anhedonia.

REMEDY: Work with a mental health professional to help you identify the underlying issue, and develop a treatment plan to address it. If you're dealing with depression, remember that depression can cause you to become disconnected from your body, and life in general. The first step of this healing process involves reconnecting with your body and acknowledging the presence of anger, even if you’re not sure where it lives or what it’s about. Next, mobilize the anger through movement and exercise, particularly exercises that involve the leg and arm muscles. Boxing, jogging, kneading dough, strength training, or cardiovascular exercise will be sufficient for this purpose as long as you keep in mind the intention of releasing repressed anger. Remember that you will have to engage in this practice consistently to notice results. Over time, these practices can help release repressed anger and improve your overall well-being.

Read more: Discover more about what to avoid when you're feeling depressed, and how to overcome negative thoughts.

6. Codependent Resentment and Rage

Feelings of resentment can arise from having unclear boundaries and caretaking or people-pleasing behaviors. This is often the case for people who are overly nice and helpful at their own expense, otherwise known as codependence. If you engage in these codependent tendencies, it’s likely that you will eventually feel used, taken advantage of, and unsupported by the people you so generously support. Naturally, this eventually triggers feelings of resentment, passive aggression, or in extreme cases volatile anger, which in this context is also known as codependent rage.

REMEDY: To manage codependent rage, it's important to reestablish boundaries, focus on self-care, and practice non-violent communication with others. Resentment is most often a sign that you need to reestablish your boundaries. You are likely bypassing your own needs, and instead focusing on other people’s needs or managing what they think of you at your own expense. If this is the case, turn your focus away from what other people are or aren’t doing. Instead, listen to what you need to replenish yourself and make sure to tend to those needs every day. Don't expect other people to read your mind or anticipate your needs. Instead, be clear about your boundaries and limitations, practice non-violent communication with others, and take responsibility for upholding your boundaries.

Read more: Codependence is incredibly common. Discover more about codependence, self-worth, and boundaries.

7. Anger as a Secondary Emotion

Anger can often be a secondary emotion that protects us from more vulnerable feelings such as sadness, rejection, and hurt. From this perspective, anger serves to protect these raw and painful emotions, such as sorrow, overwhelm, frustration, annoyance, betrayal, and feelings of abandonment.

REMEDY: Practicing the skill of tuning into primary emotions and creating space for vulnerability can help release anger and promote healing. In your journal, write about any potential primary emotions that may be underlying the anger. This will help you to practice the skill of connecting with how you are feeling and identifying what you need. Create space for these vulnerable emotions by imagining them as small children who are in pain and need your love and care. Take a deep breath and imagine that you’re breathing support, acknowledgment, and compassion to the hurt parts of yourself. Spend at least 5 minutes per day engaging in this process.

8. Inflammation-Related Anger

The gut is often thought of as the second brain because it contains upwards of 100 million neurons that produce neurotransmitters that communicate with the brain. This pathway of communication between the gut and the brain, also known as the vagus nerve, plays an essential role in your mental health. Inflammation in the gut can trigger symptoms of anxiety and depression, including anger. By reducing gut inflammation and improving your vagal tone, you can impact the signal you’re sending to your brain.

REMEDY: Improving gut health through diaphragmatic breathing, sound (such as humming), cold exposure, exercise, meditation, and an anti-inflammatory diet can help reduce inflammation and improve overall mental health.

Read more: Many people struggle with gut inflammation. Learn more about inflammation, anti-inflammatory foods, and mental health.

9. Repressed, Passive, or Unconscious Anger

For some people, anger is not considered to be an acceptable emotion. Unfortunately, this belief does not prevent your body from experiencing anger and only serves to bottle the anger up, causing damage to your body. Repressed, passive, or unconscious anger can manifest in various symptoms, including:

• Tightness, clenching, or grinding of the jaw and teeth

• Chronic fatigue or exhaustion

• Pain or tension in the shoulders, neck, and arms

• Headaches or migraines

• Panic and anxiety attacks

• Digestive issues

• Heart palpitations

• Trembling

• Nightmares involving themes of fear and anger

• Passive-aggressive behavior or sarcasm

• Irritability

• Depression

• Hopelessness and apathy

• Substance abuse

• Avoidance or withdrawal from social situations

REMEDY: Acknowledging and expressing anger is an essential step in managing repressed, passive, or unconscious anger. It's important to recognize that anger is a natural and healthy emotion that can help us set boundaries, communicate our needs, and protect ourselves from harm. Notice where in your body you might be holding pent-up anger. Next, mobilize the anger through movement and exercise, particularly exercises that involve the legs and arms. Exercise can help release tension and promote the release of endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress. Expressive arts such as painting, drawing, or writing can provide a creative outlet to express and process anger. Engaging in these activities can help release repressed emotions and promote self-awareness and healing. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be an effective way to identify and address repressed, passive, or unconscious anger. A mental health professional can provide a safe and supportive space to explore and process difficult emotions.

Anger is a signal that something within you is calling for attention. While it is tempting to ignore persistent anger, anxiety, depression, or trauma, these symptoms will inevitably become worse over time. Practicing self-care, utilizing healthy outlets, boundary-setting, communication, and seeking professional help when needed can help us navigate the challenges of anger and promote healing.